“Because everyone I love is a Thief”
Perhaps it not true, but it’s a hell of an interesting statement. And at times it’s something I feel an almost guilty tinge of belief in.So many people will take relentlessly whatever you give them, without a thought about any self sacrifice you may be making for it or them.True enough if you give and are doing it purely to receive, your being a self centred asshole. But then I guess this could all come back to that episode of “friends” where Joey tells phoebe there’s no such thing as a selfless good deed, and she spends the rest of the episode (series?...the script writers got a little lazy after the first few series…) trying to prove him wrong.

Ah. Nostalgic popular culture, how it warms the soul.

I’m not sure if phoebe did ever succeed. Perhaps some of the “friends” lovers out there can tell me? So I can try and resolve my inner turmoil, or at least get on with writing something constructive.

Anyway about that thieving…some people just seem relentless at it, actually its not some people it’s the whole WORLD, this planet just seems to absorb anything you can throw at it (metaphorically anyway, polystyrenes are still proving a bitch for mother earth).I suppose rather then this “planet” I would be more correct it saying “life”. it sucks you dry sometimes.In my experience of it the worst are those people you really think matter though,The ones, who for whatever reason return the favour, and give some of “it” back.Whatever “it” is; a present, chocolate, free drink, self security, or just enough purpose to get out of bed in the mornings. Trust is a requisite part of all this and the trust part is the real bitch.

So many people drift in and out of your life, relatively few of those I could honestly say are deserving of trust. But whether the people I myself, have chosen over time to confide in are the right ones or not, is the key piece that constantly seems to shrink or grow according to the puzzle. Its only when you really get it wrong you find out about it. I’ve been pretty lucky so far but, to my own detriment I keep going back to certain black spots to be proven wrong in my judgements again and again.

Some people have a strange ability to make you feel at ease with them, sometimes because of similar opinions or mind sets, or because you get their sense of humour.From time to time you find somebody who really seems to be on a level which you can appreciate and find some comfort in. otherwise someone who just seem to be almost as lost in their own head as you are in yours, and the sense of unity that can bring, just seems to make you as a person make more sense. Speaking for myself now, that feeling can give you a lot a sense of belonging that you’re not the only one who worries about the shit you do. That attachment can be sorely placed though, because when it’s detached again it hurts.

Much like that episode of friends I guess it comes back to a cliché that’s just enough of a pain in the ass to be true; you get hurt the most by the ones your closest too.

You get what you want and you’re sorry you even had breath to ask for it.King author in shining silver armour turned out to be the shit-eating, fire breathing dragon.

But you keep trying because there’s got to be SOMEBODY worthwhile out there right? Who feels the same way about all this as you do? or... sometimes it just feels better to give in.

"Michael Rennie was ill...the day the earth stood still..."
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What the FUCK is with all these flies? Little bastards must be the most useless connection in the bastard food chain.
Iv killed more of the little shits in the last 30 minutes then I have in the last 6 years, little dirty, breeding, swarmy fucks, soon as the temperature approaches anything hopeful they try to take over the damn planet
The heat must be making me grumpy? That and everything else. You KNOW somethings not right in this country when you shower and the water isnt COLD enough. You turn it all the way down and its still tepid. Last thing I usually complain about, contrary to popular belief I actually like the sun, but then I have to say that dont I? Otherwise ill be called a Goth, and as many of my well informed friends will happily inform you and anyone else who gives half a shit (including myself?) enough to ask (when do I ask?...oh god please spare me I didnt... DID I?) Im NOT.

Anyway the heats a grubby killerwell maybe not but its an unwitting accomplice to the crime.
That kind of stagnant air that makes you shirt collar droop and then start to grey. All the while your brain is slowly suffocating.
And then they try to convince you its a good idea to toss down some shit on a page, just to see what (if anything) you qualify for in later life. Fuck that, thank you all SO much.

(why are there no synonyms for fuck?)

And if that doesnt make your head hurt, well itll do it ALL by itself thankfully!

WHO THE FUCK GETS A COLD IN THIS WEATHER?

Alright so it could be my hay fever making a cheap trick return after the best part of two years vacationbut I dont think so, it usually comes with luggage covered in bumper stickers you can see from Bangladesh. Like that feeling of having tin foil scraping out the back of your retina and the fact that your now red eyes have smoggy white lightning bolts where the blood shot bits used to. All that usually neatly packaged with sneezing fits (Which clearly, got sent ahead in the post) but no.
The throbbing feeling in the temples, the feeling like your head is stuck under the same disgusting tepid water you just tried to shower in. and the fact that the warm sweat on the back of your neck keeps running cold at inopportune times it all feels distinctly common.
I suppose I cant cross of the fact it could very easily be hay fever, I just dont want it to be, and Im in no mood to compromise with myself or anyone else.

Forgive me, but I feel well over due for some release valve or other to let off, but if you didnt want to read a full page of me doing nothing but moan

(Ever feel

CHEATED?

CHEAP?

USED?)

well then you can FUCK RIGHT OFF, nobodies making you and I dont care enough to discuss it.

I dont question other peoples actions, because it doesnt affect me, so therefore I have no right to. (And there are plenty of people out there who could learn from that)

So until next time

Perhaps ill be less cynical, but I wont make any promises.

Now go do something useful, like read a good book or SWAT SOME FLIES.
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The above is a copy and paste job....the cheap kind, not a fancy floral wallpapered remake, a very cheap "cut and paste" kind of to-do if you will....but unlike most cheap remakes it does serve a purpose....to feed a cliche, its the BLOG "that started it all".
I wrote the above and posted it on my-myspace, because thats how i felt at the time, nothing shocking about it, i had a bad day and this whole thing gives me a little realise so i do it...but what i soon realised was i was writing to a audience. I wasnt writing exactly what I wanted.
now taking into account that censoring your work (of any sort) to suit an audiance is an art form in itself, its just not one that im particularly interested in refining at the moment. you get enough practice at that in everyday life.

so i figured i needed somewhere i could be completely honest with my opinions, i could say whatever i feel like and not have to think twice about it having repercussions on anyone.
now some might call this cowardice,being to scared to voice your opinion to others, and i get your point.
but personally i dont give a shit what thoose other people think, id just rather not have to deal with it AT ALL if i dont have to, and in this case; I dont. so why bother making things more difficult?

I think we all "write for audiences" most of the time, so all im hoping is to avoid the copy cats and the critics, none of which is intentional i guess, but its there and its annoying as hell. If I provide some interesting reading for someone, somewhere, maybe relate to a few people, do more good then bad well then im happy.
Im not trying to change the world here, or make any big statement, Ive learned that usually trying to do either of thoose things is to your own detriment. Not to say there not worth doing. “Nice work if you can get it” as the saying goes,but not for me, not tonight.