Why is it inevitably so much easier to blog about something when you feel like you have something to complain about, when as equally inevitably, you don't.

Oh well just for the therapeutic hell of it, In tribute to my over feed blue peter past, here's one I made earlier...

I resent being treated like a fucking puppy.

Fuck you and fuck anyone else that doesn't want to stay in the art gallery because its arty and pretentious (...hints in the name honey). You know what? News-flash. So are you Dick, now go cry to Jayne.

If you're not going to practice common courtesy then why the hell should I?

Give me one good reason to restrain myself, filter out my personality and water it down and fuck, you know what? I probably will. 

Because I'm dumb like that. Pig shit. You know the sort? We all know you do.

Life will play out it's games and I'm playing out my scene like I want because this is my spotlight. My one and terminal monologue (internal or otherwise) and if you've got a better idea? Frankly i'd love to hear it.

I want to surround myself with like minded people and psycho babble in a dark room to make people like you disappear.

CUT.

ME.

OFF.

Because the punch line is; when it all boils down to it, we're both just doing the same thing and it kills either of us to admit it.

The jokes on you kid.

“Your dreams and your hopeless hair…”


“Are you having a bad hair day?”

Queue manic laughter, shortly to be followed by stunned silence.

And so this is the first interaction I get with the appreciative people of my home town. Not that I’m suggesting I give them anything in particular to be appreciative of but I do try to avoid any conflict. And I would appreciate if the other side could reciprocate.

But no, you still get it. Age, shape and size seem to be variables but the general snide and some what unimaginative tone seems to generally be consistent enough. If nothing else you have to hand that to them; consistency.

And so I was left standing staring at three girls who stopped me, (got me to take out my ear phones) just to make the above inquire, and in the second that follows a million things ran through my head, but as ever nothing came out. Maybe I should be grateful. I’m not sure some of it would have been suitable for young ears. And id undoubtedly end up with a law suit or an A.S.B.O

So stood in stunned silence, until I think they thought I was going to cry, I laughed to myself all the way home.

Sometimes I’m sure that when you look at people you can almost read what’s going on in their lives. The stress or the happiness etched on there faces gives you hints and insights.

I wonder as I’m walking around sometimes what people have going on in there lives that makes them look they way they do, and I wonder what they see in my face, or does anyone see anything? Does anybody else even look?

...you dress so messed up your hair is too long/but im changing it all of the time/we march and we fall/we're one and for all/it's just evil all of the time/evil all the time/we are the fiend club...

I Think the Asian girl beside me may be dead.

She's curled up in what seems a completely unnatural fetal position,the rational side of my brain assures me she is sleeping.

35,000 feet above the ground being held up by what is essentially, so man thousand tons of steel and meticulously over packed luggage which is being steered by an underpaid slave wage who is given "turn around" goals.

A person whose voice you will hear perhaps twice in your lifetime and whose face in all likelihood you will never see.

now what was that about rationality?

We don't live in a rational world and I'm thankful for that, it makes so many things plausible.
I am however not thankful for this unresolved droning in my ears.

I don't care where the over wing exits are located, I've already accepted the fact that if this humming steel tube with me inside it is going to crash from 35,000 feet i will either instinctively find said exit, or instinctively realise like so many stunned rats; I AM FUCKED.

I want nothing to do with your gourmet coffee selection and fuck your "luxurious" hot chocolate.

Leave me alone to my book and let the Asian girl sleep (rest?...) in peace.

You definitely write more when you move,maybe it just makes you analyse more,
but God damn that Zimmerman was right!

You'll never write anything unless you move and You'll never fall in love unless you act like a fool.

14

I currently have fourteen friends online... none of which inspire me to speak to them. Ive got Four different types of instant messanger on my computer and so many online accounts and address' i could start a village occupied entirley by myself and only now does it register with myself im crying out for something.

I have fourteen friends online...

the ones i do recognise, just make me debate deleting them. this seems to say more about myself then it does about them, it is not a judgement on their personas but a state of mind id rather not be in. ce la vie.

Im feeding my printer full of paper to print out copius amounts of letters and words which will eventually form sentences and kill al0t of trees, so that I can sit and read blogs, some by people I know some by people I'd like to know....bla bla bla. and thats how the story goes.

does stagnation have the same effect on people as it does on water? were made up of 70% of the stuff after all aint we?

I want to be on a plane...or a beach, I want to be standing on a balcony in a big anonomous city drinking shitty instant coffee with somebody I dont know yet.

EMO cult warning for parents.

By Sarah Sands_ Published in the Daily Mail August 17. 2006

Flicking through the autumn glossy fashion magazines, I noticed that some of the models did not look very well.
A few of them appeared to be dead. This is because one of the key looks, especially at the younger end of the fashion spectrum, is Goth.
Faces are chalky white, eyes and lips black. You can wear any colour you like so long as it's black.

To achieve that just-got-out-of-a coffin look, you need corsets, capes, Celtic crosses, an unseeing stare and a prop such as a slightly mutilated china doll dragged along in one hand.
For those of us who have lived through Siouxsie And The Banshees and the Rocky Horror Show, the look is depressingly retro.
Fashion acknowledges those of us who lived through it first time round - Elder Goths, as opposed to Baby Bats, who are the under-30s.
It even nods to a working population, permitting Corporate Goths, who wear black trouser suits.
There is a also a term which is new to me and amounts to a much more dangerous teenage cult.
The Emos - short for Emotional - regard themselves as a cool, young sub-set of the Goths.
Although the look is similar, the point of distinction, frightening for schools and parents, is a celebration of self harm.
Emos exchange competitive messages on their teenage websites about the scars on their wrists and how best to display them. Girls' secondary schools have for some time been concerned about the increase in self harm.
One governor of a famous boarding school told me that it was as serious a problem as binge drinking, but rarely discussed for fear of encouraging more girls to do it.
Although it is invariably described as a 'secret shame', there is actually a streak of exhibitionism about it.

The internet has many sites dedicated to Emo fashion (dyed black hair brushed over your face, layering, black, black, black), Emo bands (Green Day, My Chemical Romance), Emo conversation (sighing, wailing, poetry).

The Instant Emo Kit site gives advice on identity. Wear a child's T-shirt with a slogan such as 'Unhappy Chick' and drive a Vespa. Above all, 'show your inner despair by looking like you are too sad to eat. Obesity and emocity do not mix.'

Adult Goths refer to the Emos disdainfully as 'the spooky kids' or 'moshers'.
The Emo song, by the American band Adam And Andrew, has cult status on the internet, appearing on many personal websites. It is called Dear Diary and is both witty and alarming.
The chorus goes: 'Stop my breathing and slit my throat, I must be an Emo.
I don't jump around when I go to shows, I must be an Emo.
Dye in my hair and polish on my toes, I must be an Emo. I play guitar and write suicide notes, I must be an Emo.'

The courting of misery and death is a long-established teenage tradition. How many bedroom walls have been plastered with posters of drippy pre-Raphaelite heroines, or Marc Bolan or Kurt Curbain?
When death is a long way off, you can afford to be more morbid about it.
Film-makers note that horror films are now more popular than romance among young women.
In particular, Goths and Emos are a rebellion against sporty, manly cultures - which is perhaps why they flourish particularly in North European countries or North America.
The androgynous nature of the Goths is appealing to the young because it is sexually unthreatening.

Teenage girls are frightened of manliness: they like boys who look like girls. Kate Moss, the girl who never grows old, understands youthful taste completely.
There is also a deadly glamour about the Goths. The word femme-fatale is Goth based.
Many of the alluring women of our time - Nigella Lawson, Debbie Harry, Chrissie Hynde, Sophie Ellis Bextor, Lily Allen - have a touch of the Goth about them.
They have a sophistication and depth lacking in the blonde, bouncy chav faces which dominate our television screens and nightclubs.

Who are the male pin-ups for young girls? Johnny Depp and the comedian Russell Brand, who is about 90 per cent Goth. Lord Byron, of course, was the greatest Goth of all time.
Emos have a strong arts graduate bias and are among the few that read poetry (if only of the romantic, morbid kind).

Some pretty terrible Emo poetry is offered on websites. A cartoon of two Emos has a bubble which says: 'What rhymes with razor blade?'
But compared to the music, the poetry is positively cheerful. The Gothic bands have names such as Bloody, Dead And Sexy or Colder Than Death.
There is a genre, popular in Germany, known as Death Pop. Bands include The Knives In The Attic and Love Equals Death.

Although Goths are from the same family tree as punks, they are a lot less fun to be with. While I loved punk for its energy, Goths were too bloodless to lift a finger.
One of the most annoying characteristics of teenagers is their refusal to open their curtains. Their world is dark and airless.
If this environment is coupled with the psychological traits of self-pity, introspection, self-dramatisation and hormone imbalance, you have a fully-fledged Emo, even without the small Tshirt and black hair.

The wondrous thing about being an adult is that you have so much more to worry about that you stop striking poses and get on with it.
Unless you are an Elder Goth - in which case you have fashion on your side and everybody else against you.

What worries me is that teenagers are less equipped to manage strong emotions and a cult of suicide could have real and horrible consequences.

It is irresponsible for the fashion and music cultures to encourage it. If you want retro style, I recommend Ian Dury's song Reasons To Be Cheerful.
_____________________________________________

Below is what I Wrote and intended to post as a comment in response to the article by sarah Sands on the Daily Mails Website. HOWEVER, unfortunitly the responses are restricted to 1000 words, so still looking for an alternative!
____________________________________________


"The way I dress makes everyday feel like Halloween"

Dear Sarah Sands,
I am sorry, but I must confess that I have never laughed so much in a long time. Now that could be due to my "emo" characteristics (please take careful note of inverted commas) but I myself would have to award at least 90% credibility to the content of this piece. (90% sounds like a good percentage after all doesn’t it?)

To begin with I think the very fact that this article has caused such wide spread response disproves one of your points; that of the apathetical and self loathing “style” of emos. The feedback and up roar I have read and heard proves better then anything else that people who feel affected by this article are active, intelligent and self confident individuals.

I find the accounts of “celebration of self harm” offensive and feel that this is a lazy use of a well established cliché. Black clothing, plus make up, add apathetic youths, subtract moral substance, equals: dangerous sub culture.
As someone who has “Lived through it first time round” I’m sure all this morbid arithmetic must be sounding familiar to you?

But I think there is more to this, an idea or sense of humour perhaps you cannot understand. This is unfortunate, as you write for a British paper, I would have hoped some of the fantastic British sense of irony would have been communicated to you. (Admittedly this is a lazy use of another cliché but I thought maybe we should run with the theme).

The Emo song, by the American band, Adam and Andrew

The Instant Emo Kit site.

I would encourage anybody interested in an objective view of this topic too search online for these two items, which you reference in the article. Once you do it becomes quite obvious both are satirical pieces intended as nothing more then a joke about more unsubstantiated clichés.
To use them as actual references on traits of a genre or sub culture is little short of ridiculous and is the equivalent of stating that every Goth, genuinely believes they are a vampire or every journalist is nosey, parka wearing, geek with a pen.

This irony is also self-evident in the mentioned cartoon featuring the line:
'What rhymes with razor blade?' teenagers may be guilty of pretension at times, but how many would actually have the idiocy to come out with a line like that?

On the topic of most emos reading and writing poetry and having art graduate backgrounds I don’t know exactly what this is suppose to prove, but surly as someone who writes for a well known paper you are not implying that it is a bad thing to be educated, creative and have an interest in reading?
After all I think late night reading of E.A Poe in a bedroom with curtains drawn is certainly a more desirable pastime then some others which teenagers who are “less equipped to manage strong emotions” could indulge in.

Also perhaps you should think more about making sweeping accusations about bands or artists before knowing what you are talking about.

Green day have never been associated with the “emo movement”. Further more this is a band who has encouraged active political and ethical thinking, who have been involved in charity events such as live 8 and support organisations such as green peace and the “one” aids and poverty campaign. While other bands associated with the genre like Taking Back Sunday list organisations such as the American cancer society on there site for donations.

(See these bands websites for links to the above mentioned and other sites)

As for My chemical romance, they provide an easy target, attired in black with eyeliner running amuck, what hideous role models for any teen. Surly this cannot be the same band who actively plead onstage night after night for fans that feel troubled, lost or those who might practice self harm to seek help. They promote the message that you are not alone, that no matter what, you should be able to be comfortable with who you are. The first listing under the bands friend’s links is amnesty international while under the title of enemies are the words fear and regret. Perhaps with all the darkness and gloom you couldn’t see the point.

I find it horrific to generalise the opinions in your article and use them in such a manner as you have. When the truth is that many objective music fans would tell you that strictly speaking there has been no emo scene since 1995, or indeed that there has never been an identifiable scene at all.
The true terms of the genre are legendary for being too vague to encompass any solid ideas of what an emo band or artist even is.
True there are the clichés and ideas which have already been mentioned and many more which have sprung up around the genre but they are nothing more then that.

However, the real fact is that the problems in relation to self harm, depression and various other issues for hundreds of thousands of teen’s world wide do exist. But to point the figure at the first convenient scape­-goat never helps, that has been proven before. It only alienates angers and even hurts people who may be affected by these sensitive problems. It is an uncaring, lethargic way of placing blame to help ease any feeling of responsibility, and distracts from the core issue of trying to help people who are suffering from misunderstood and ill represented issues

As you so rightly say yourself there is already so much to worry about in the world without people scraping and clawing away at something that provides you with hope and allows you to feel confidence in your own skin. There are enough shallow minded people in the world to make accusations without the media jumping on the “anti-band wagon”

And as far as suggested listening goes, perhaps some of my chemical romances own “Teenagers” would help begin to illuminate the darkness, if that’s a step to far perhaps the divine comedies “The happy Goth” could provide a suitable sound track.


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AUTHORS NOTE: On rereading this piece I noticed notes of pretension in my writing and probably missed a few dozen spelling and grammar errors, but none the less I would sooner correct the former then the latter (or is that the other way round I really can never tell…).

So I would like to just state for the record, although I HAVE by no conscious decision of my own per say, been associated and linked with the much above mentioned “emo scene” in fact I would as soon wish to ignore its existence.
I have no allegiances there. It is after all only another pigeon hole to categorically shove people into; something I take immense dislike to.

I do however find it appalling such a brash, badly researched, and at times malicious article could be published in an otherwise respectable new paper. But such is the world we live in. I simply feel people (within reason…but again who’s to say what that is) should be allowed dress, act, and express themselves in whatever way they desire. The end will benefit the means, what goes around comes around etc etc… a scene is after all only part of an act.

(On further reflection I would also like to retract my statement about the daily mail being an "otherwise respectable news paper", they are not.)

"If your not part of the solution..."

then as the saying goes your part of the problem.

Everyone likes a good moan (if they didn't I wouldn't be on here to start with, because id have nothing to say.) I can appreciate that there are things that you just have to get off your chest and sometimes the best or only way to do it is to just vocally rip apart what ever is in front of you be it sentient or inanimate.
I can appreciate that, constructive as it may or may not be. It’s a form of therapy.
What I can’t appreciate is those people who are presented with a problem and are given a choice, either spend time complaining about it or suck it in and get on with trying to either fix it or think of an alternative.

At this junction in my little rant id like to pause to appease all those in the back row I can hear screaming; “sometimes there is no alternative” “what if it’s a really big deal? What if what ever has happened really fucked you up?” and my dear reader (I say dear, because I DO appreciate people taking time out to read this) these are all very valid questions, but these are not the types of situations I am referring to.
The scenario in mind consisted of something along the lines of ;

“oh dear the kettle wont boil…it appears to be broken”…

”you know that kettles always been dodgy, should of guessed it would break…etc etc”

to this point…ok…fair enough, but beyond this is where the line begins to blur and generally the “if onlys” kick in;

if only we replaced it before it broke,

if only we bought the more expensive kettle, would it have lasted the pace longer?

SIGH...we may never know. Meanwhile the idea that water in a pot could easily have boiled three times by now has never occurred. And that is where I have my grudge.

What too many people are good at is crossing the line, in fact playing with, standing beside and then shitting ON the line before bounding over it would be closer to the truth in too many cases.

The kettle is a minimalist example, the problem can increase in size many times but the same under lying idea is there, get on with it rather then lying there like some kind of wronged beached whale. If the problem is fixable; fix it.
If not lament your lose later and try and be practical NOW while it still matters.

This brings me to my next section of complaint.

With so much time being whittled away on the self mastication section of the evenings events, often any viable alternative solution has expired whilst we were discussing politics of the situation.
The result is a last minute ditch attempt, to crawl toward the line which only moments before was so neatly deprecated on; back toward rationality, reality (admittedly something I usually try to avoid, but alas…) and the realisation that something actually may need to be done about the situation!

I suppose it boils down to how different people respond when faced with a problem, but even this ritualistic progression of thought surely cant assist anyone? Surely those with already failing “reaction response” are only further obstructed by this insistence that we need to procrastinate NOW!

Complaining more often then not gets you no where (unless you happen to be complaining to the right branch of the mass media about the wrong corporation) and as I started by saying I fully appreciate the need for a good whine from time to time, but the fact is if something can be done about a problem couldn’t we by pass the 6 year old shit fit and deal with that first? Then we can have the rest of the evening to ourselves to wallow in our “REAL” problems… because if not before; “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable now”

“Because everyone I love is a Thief”
Perhaps it not true, but it’s a hell of an interesting statement. And at times it’s something I feel an almost guilty tinge of belief in.So many people will take relentlessly whatever you give them, without a thought about any self sacrifice you may be making for it or them.True enough if you give and are doing it purely to receive, your being a self centred asshole. But then I guess this could all come back to that episode of “friends” where Joey tells phoebe there’s no such thing as a selfless good deed, and she spends the rest of the episode (series?...the script writers got a little lazy after the first few series…) trying to prove him wrong.

Ah. Nostalgic popular culture, how it warms the soul.

I’m not sure if phoebe did ever succeed. Perhaps some of the “friends” lovers out there can tell me? So I can try and resolve my inner turmoil, or at least get on with writing something constructive.

Anyway about that thieving…some people just seem relentless at it, actually its not some people it’s the whole WORLD, this planet just seems to absorb anything you can throw at it (metaphorically anyway, polystyrenes are still proving a bitch for mother earth).I suppose rather then this “planet” I would be more correct it saying “life”. it sucks you dry sometimes.In my experience of it the worst are those people you really think matter though,The ones, who for whatever reason return the favour, and give some of “it” back.Whatever “it” is; a present, chocolate, free drink, self security, or just enough purpose to get out of bed in the mornings. Trust is a requisite part of all this and the trust part is the real bitch.

So many people drift in and out of your life, relatively few of those I could honestly say are deserving of trust. But whether the people I myself, have chosen over time to confide in are the right ones or not, is the key piece that constantly seems to shrink or grow according to the puzzle. Its only when you really get it wrong you find out about it. I’ve been pretty lucky so far but, to my own detriment I keep going back to certain black spots to be proven wrong in my judgements again and again.

Some people have a strange ability to make you feel at ease with them, sometimes because of similar opinions or mind sets, or because you get their sense of humour.From time to time you find somebody who really seems to be on a level which you can appreciate and find some comfort in. otherwise someone who just seem to be almost as lost in their own head as you are in yours, and the sense of unity that can bring, just seems to make you as a person make more sense. Speaking for myself now, that feeling can give you a lot a sense of belonging that you’re not the only one who worries about the shit you do. That attachment can be sorely placed though, because when it’s detached again it hurts.

Much like that episode of friends I guess it comes back to a cliché that’s just enough of a pain in the ass to be true; you get hurt the most by the ones your closest too.

You get what you want and you’re sorry you even had breath to ask for it.King author in shining silver armour turned out to be the shit-eating, fire breathing dragon.

But you keep trying because there’s got to be SOMEBODY worthwhile out there right? Who feels the same way about all this as you do? or... sometimes it just feels better to give in.